There are no words.
Except, there are plenty.
Embarrassing. Insipid. Uninspired. Gutless. Pathetic.
And for the first time in nearly four years, many are starting to wonder if the Church of the Cult of Howe is starting to crumble.
This was, without exaggeration, one of the worst performances of Eddie Howe’s reign. This is a side supposedly forged on intensity, organisation, hunger, yet they looked like a side of perfect strangers. Such was the nature of this disgraceful performance that they managed to make a West Ham side who hadn’t won at home since February look like 1970 Brazil, and that was despite going 1-0 up against the run of play.
Yes, Howe is the man who has delivered Champions League football twice in the last three seasons. Yes, he brought us our first domestic trophy in seven decades. But football doesn’t live in the past, and with over £250 million spent over the summer – £55m on the hapless Elanga, £45m on the anonymous Jacob Ramsey, and £55m on the yet-to-feature, Yoane Wissa – excuses are running dry, with PIF surely soon to be demanding much better league results.
From dream start to disasterclass
Jarrod Bowen rattling Pope’s far post in the first few minutes should have been a warning sign that sparked the lads into life, and it seemed to do precisely that as seconds later Jacob Murphy lashed a long-range daisy-cutter to Areola’s far post to give Newcastle United an undeserved 1-0 lead. What could have been the spark to kick on and control the game, became the one defining moment of quality in an otherwise turgid, disgraceful display. The press vanished, the midfield went missing, while West Ham poked and prodded, finding pockets of space all over the field. The writing was on the wall as Nick Pope pulled off a series of smart saves to prevent the hammers blowing the bloody doors off.
He was to be the villain soon enough. A harmless cross from Diouf was inexplicably, and not for the first time, punched straight to Fernandes who teed up Paquetá who had the freedom of the London Stadium to lash a 25-yard shot towards Pope’s near post, whose flapping wrists couldn’t keep it out. It was a sequence of play that summed the day up: hapless and sloppy.
Calamity came knocking once more just before half-time. Dan Burn was off taking a Sunday stroll and Gordon was nowhere to be seen as a clipped ball into the channel found Aaron Wan-Bissaka in acres of space who put a nothing ball into the box that Sven Botman comically turned into his own net. The lads went in at the break deservedly two-one down by our own making.
Howe’s halftime hail mary
If Howe’s team selection didn’t make much sense, that’s nothing compared to the baffling substitutions he made a half-time. Gordon, Woltemade and Krafth all hooked. While Gordon was woeful, and Woltemade likely feeling the effects of playing in every single game since signing, Krafth was one of the more solid performers in the first half, especially when viewed against the atrocious Dan Burn at left-back. The fact Thiaw shuffled over to right-back – something many of us have begged Howe to do, so that he could play Trippier at left-back and bench Burn – only served to further fuel a sense of frustration. Burn is a club legend. A stellar deputy left centre-half. However, he is not a left-back. At this rate, one begs the question, what does Burn have to do to be either benched or dropped?
The substitutions offered nothing. We were passive, predictable and powerless against a side who literally subbed Callum Wilson, their only fit available striker, for Tomas Soucek so they could sit deeper and toy with us, knowing how woeful we are against low-block sides.
Bruno and Tonali were anonymous. When they weren’t being caught in possession or passing the ball aimlessly to the opposition, they were passing backwards or sideways to nowhere. And for all the supposed tactical tweaks Howe was making, how he cannot see the futility of playing Joelinton, a battering ram with a poor range of passing, against low-block sides remains another of life’s great mysteries. There was no structure, no identity, and worryingly, absolutely no leadership.
If “intensity is our identity” then every single one of these charlatans should be up on charges of identity theft.
In a predictable conclusion to arguably the worst performance in Howe’s tenure, came Pope’s encore. Bowen’s tame effort squirmed through his legs before Soucek bundled it over the line. A Sunday league goal in a Premier League fixture. Pope has saved us many times, but this was indefensible. His worst game in a Newcastle United shirt. And it should be his last.
Howe’s loyalty problem
Behind the concerning performances lies a very real concern. Howe has earned enormous credit, but his blind faith in certain players is becoming a liability. While Pope, Burn and Joelinton are in this category, it now seems as though we can add a few more names to this list – not least the £100m pair personally pursued by Eddie Howe for in the summer window for their famed premier league experience: Jacob Ramsey and Anthony Elanga. Neither made any positive contribution today, while Lewis Miley, a player who may have been able to get his foot on the ball and assert some control in possession, was left twiddling his thumbs all afternoon. We should also mention the optics of having Lewis Hall back on the bench was very clearly just that – an illusion designed to make fans feel better as he rode the bench from start to finish. If he’s not fit enough to be on the field, then he should not be on the bench. If he is fit enough to be on the field then he should be on the field. At no point should he be starting on the bench.
What now?
On the one hand, you could say that this was a very un-Eddie Howe Newcastle United performance, after all, this team has been founded on the mantra of “intensity is our identity”. And while our Champions League and Carabao Cup performances have stayed strong, this spineless display only underlines why many of us are starting to question Howe – these performances are becoming the norm, not the exception.
In ten league games this season, who have we played well against? Our gusty defeat to Liverpool? We scraped home wins against a Wolves side yet to win a single game, needed a 90-minute winner to nick three points against Fulham, relied on a Bruno worldie and a penalty to get past an Ange Postecoglu Nottingham Forest side who gifted goals as though they were free condoms at an AIDS Conference and were embarrassing in our limp home defeat to Arsenal.
And if our home form leaves much to be desired, our away form is even worse. We offered sweet fanny adams against Villa, Leeds and Bournemouth in dreary 0-0 draws, while the Brighton defeat was as predictable as it was infuriating. But today’s performance tops them all.
The road ahead
We now head into a midweek Champions League night at St James’ Park before an away trip to an improving Brentford ahead of the international break. And honestly? I’ve never been more confident that the lads will probably pull a 3-0 win under the lights against Bilbao out of nowhere. But that only underlines the point – the Champions League and cup performances are masking our disgraceful league form. That might keep the happy clappers content for now, but PIF will be watching closely. And if this slide continues, they won’t watch for long.
Game at a glance
Player ratings
- Nick Pope – 1
- Emil Krafth – 1
- Malick Thiaw – 1
- Sven Botman – 1
- Dan Burn – 1
- Bruno Guimaraes – 1
- Sandro Tonali – 1
- Joelinton – 1
- Jacob Murphy – 1
- Anthony Gordon – 1
- Nick Woltemade – 1
Substitutions
- Fabian Schar – 1
- Jacob Ramsey – 1
- Will Osula – 1
- Harvey Barnes – 1
- Anthony Elanga 1
Eddie Howe – 1
His worst performance as Newcastle United manager. Team selection baffling, changes nonsensical, and the tactical response non-existent. Loyalty to failing players is killing us. He’s built everything that’s good about this side – but right now, he’s also what’s holding it back.
